an idiot’s guide to death by Steve Calamars

i was a klutz
when it came
to the razor and
the noose

managing only
to knick my wrists
and give myself
rope-burn

the gun was
useless too
with my lazy-eye
and shaky hands

and i could
never get the
dosages right
when it came
to the pills

so i did the
only thing a
person like
me could do

i belly-flopped
from a 7th story
window onto
a buick

something soft
hitting something hard
really did the trick

like strawberries
and a cinder block-