So Fucking Smart by Suzy Devere

i make an excuse and beg a little

say

can i have just a minute sweetheart?

push the top of my tongue to the back of my mouth
pretending to suck on a candy simply
so i can keep myself from shouting
deeply disturbing observations about
your borderline personality
that you will never
(i promise you, ever)
get over if they happen to leave my mouth

chomp

swallow

like a fifties wife i squeek

"sweetheart, i understand"

and i know i'm keeping the knife that is my tongue
sharp in the drawer of my mouth for one more night
and i count how many ways i am a failure
for not leaving you
or telling you
i am smarter than i act

but maybe i'm not that smart
because i can't give up the
game even though i'm losing

what's that they say about Einstein?
if he's so fucking smart
why is he so fucking
dead?